30 Things I've Learned Before I was 30

I'm turning 30 soon. [shudder] I'm not entirely excited at this prospect, but considering that it is such a landmark birthday, I thought I would record some things I've learned in the past 30 years. Ugh. I'm feeling slightly nauseous at the thought of being 30 right now.

Anyway. Moving on. 30 things, in no particular order except the first three. Here we go.

1. I am a daughter of God.

2. He loves me and I love him. (Oh, hello there Young Women's theme!)

3. My family loves me, despite my many imperfections, and I love them.

4. I am truly am grateful for those that have sacrificed their time, freedom, and life to protect mine. I have a great respect for those that serve in the military.

5. It is more important to be kind and loving than to be right, or prove that you're right.

6. Sometimes people just won't listen. Nothing you say will change their thoughts or behavior. It's best to just move on.

7. There are some people that act like cancer in life, slowly eating away at happiness and goodness. They need to be cut out. I don't have to interact with them. I don't have to allow them in my life.

8. Prayers are answered. Always.

9. Good books are like food for my soul.

10. I need to be able to create. If I can't, I tend to shut down, unable to function at my best. When I do, I feel like I can breathe again.

11. I love teaching people. Especially if it is Gospel related.

12. I am so much more productive when I have too much to do. I don't do well when I am not busy.

13. Kindness matters. Be kind to everyone--no matter who they are, what they look like, or how they act. I think kindness is WAY underrated and I certainly am not perfect at this, but I do try to be kind. I love the quote, "Always be kinder than you feel." I don't usually feel kind--especially when dealing with difficult people (something that happens daily), but I try to be kind. Patience also goes along with this. It's hard, but I'm trying.

14. I like to grow and stretch myself. If I don't then I feel like I'm sliding backwards--and I don't want to do that.

15. Memories are worth the expense. I've never regretted the trips I've gone on, the memories I've made, and the friends and family I've gotten closer to as I've visited them. The philosophy of my grandparents rings true to my heart: Memories are better than things. They usually would "give memories" as gifts, instead of things. They would give money to our family so that we could have trips, adventures, and one time, a dream vacation to Disneyland. Totally magical. I love this idea. It's fun and it builds relationships. Win-Win. :)

16. Life rarely turns out they way you think it will. I thought I would get married in my 20s. Nope. I thought I would have kids. Nope. I thought I would work in bio-medical research. Nope. I didn't think that I would like law. Nope--meaning I do like it. More than I thought I would--but certainly not enough to go to law school. I thought I wouldn't have my own business. Nope--I do have my own business now. Crazy! And awesome.

17. The Lord's timing is everything. For me this has meant patience. And I have decided that if my life had gone according to my plans (see #16)--I would have probably royally screwed it up. There is purpose in the Lord's timing. No idea what that is yet for me. But I have faith that there is and someday I'll understand. And I'm okay with that. :)

18. Sometimes you just have to do something--anything with your life. If it's the wrong thing--you'll know. 

19. Family is most important.

20. Friends are right there with family. I love the saying, "Friends are the family you choose." So true. My friends are my family too. 

21. Sometimes the smallest moments create the biggest life lessons.

22. Awkward compliments are the best kind. They may be really weird, but you know they are coming from a sincere place in the person's heart. 

23. There is always something to smile about. Usually in my life it's this: 



24. The greatest feeling in the world is knowing that a 2 year old misses you.



25. Preserving memories and photos are super important to me. Thus my love of scrapbooking. :)

26. Integrity really does matter. 

27. Hard work makes up for a lot of weaknesses.

28. My family history is incredibly important to me. They laid the foundation for the wonderful life I have.

29. Learning new things is important. Whether it's formally through school, or googling something you don't know (I do this a lot) it doesn't matter--I just love learning about things.

30. Laughter really is the best medicine. Especially when it's because of adorable toddlers.

I Collect 4th Cousins

Last night I was sitting in the temple thinking about my family. All of my family. The generations that have come before me and the meaning their lives give mine.

I have been very, very blessed.

One (or three) of the blessings is that I know three 4th cousins and their families. Well, okay, one of them, I've only "met" via email--he lives in Australia. Awesome! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I mean, who the heck knows their 4th cousins, besides me (and my family)?! Does that happen to normal people? Um. I didn't think so.

But I do. And I love it. And every time I have "discovered" one, it has been in the most random way.

Here, I'll explain.
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Example 1: The first time.

Scene: 2003, age 19, Rexburg, Idaho.

About 1 month into my Sophomore year at BYU-Idaho. I was living with awesome roommates in a new apartment in the dorms. My new roommate's name was (is) Nicole (hi coley!!). We hit it off immediately and had a great time together.

One night she came bursting into our apartment with exciting news.

"Ohmygosh!ItotallyjustsawElderEyringintheMC!" (Because to Mormons, seeing General Authorities, especially the First Presidency or a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, is like totally a "celebrity" sighting--but not really because we're much too respectful of them.) Anywhoo. We all conversed excitedly that she had just seen him and--oh my gosh--walked past him. [Deep breath.]

As we chatted, I happened to mention that my grandparents had known him WAY-back-when in the military and he liked stale marshmallows, according to my Nana. Somehow in relating the trivia, I mentioned my grandparents' last name of Bryson. Nicole dramatically gasped (okay, not really).  "My grandparents' last name is Bryson!"

What?! All of us freaked out at the coincidence.

So naturally we HAD to find out how we were related. Turns out we are. I pulled out my giant pedigree chart (because that's how I roll) and she called her grandma. After some chatting, we are both descendants of Samuel Bryson, Sr. and Sarah Ann Conrey--our third great-grandparents.

The really sweet thing was that my family knew, and I was able to share, some family stories, particularly about Sam's mom, Margaret, that Nicole's family didn't know. That year, I spent Thanksgiving with Nicole and her family--well, my family. It has been wonderful to build those relationships. Nicole and I still stay in touch and last August we were able to visit and do a session at the Salt Lake Temple together--so wonderful!
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Example 2: The second time.

Scene: 2012--driving back from San Francisco/Oakland, from my former roommate's wedding.

We (there were 4 of us in the car) had carpooled to the wedding and were driving home. I can't remember why it came it came up, but Tyson mentioned that his third great-grandfather was Francis de. St. Jeor.

I just about caused a car accident in my shock. Francis de St. Jeor is MY third great-grandfather!! OH MY GOSH. AGAIN?! What are the odds?!

"Dude, Francis de. St. Jeor is MY third great-grandfather, too," I calmly said. "TYSON--WE'RE 4th COUSINS--and all these years we didn't even know it!"

See, Tyson and I had been friends, and in the same singles ward, for several years by this point, and his aunt and uncle were are in my home ward and friends with my family.

(Later, my mom said she had already told me that they were actually our cousins, but I don't remember that.)

So that was pretty exciting.

And I just realized---Tyson's sister married a Sessions. These particular Sessions' she married into are my 2nd Cousins-once removed or something on my Bryson side. Another de St. Jeor married another Bryson--within the same stake I grew up.

Oh, that's weird. This is a small, small world people.
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Okay. Third Example.

I have an account on Ancestry.com and about 2 years ago, I received any email from someone looking for information on McGraths. Well, as I happen to be one, they were hoping I would be able to clarify a few things. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to--I was really confused and had conflicting information about the people he was trying to research. Not helpful.

Then about 3-4 months ago, Graeme contacted me again to let me know he had found the right information and wanted to help me fix my records. So generous! Multiple emails later (as he lives in Australia), we figured out how we are related--and what the problem was in my family's records.

You guessed it, the ancestor we have in common is our fourth Great-grandparents--Peter and Anastasia McGrath. Because of some weird generation things, we're actually 4th cousins.

Through Graeme's generous sharing of information, I was able to add over 90 names to my pedigree chart and answer some really important questions (like someone who I thought was husband and wife was actually mother and son--kind of a big problem). INCREDIBLE!

This is also an example of patience and answering of prayers. I had been searching for this information for many years.
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One of the interesting things I realized last night as I was pondering each of these experiences is that each of one them is from a line from each grandparent. The only grandparent that is missing is my paternal grandmother's line. Her maiden name is Peck--so if you are reading this (or know someone who is a Peck), based on the above, I'm going to guess we're 4th cousins. My third great-grandparents on that line are Joshua Peck and Nancy Andrus. Let me know!!

Moral of the story? It "pays" to know your family history. You'll never know where (or when) you'll find a distant cousin! And maybe you'll have answers for them, or they'll have answers for you!

Family History work is soooo totally awesome. :) Do it. You won't regret it!

2014 Bucket List

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2014 is going to be a good year. I can tell. Even though it's starting off with me having a slight cold and sore throat--it's going to be great. :)

Last year I created a bucket list instead of doing resolutions. I did pretty well and so want to do it again.

Let's see what I'm going to do this year...

1.    Read at least 60 books.

2.    Pay off my car.

3.    Make two new stockings (for Erin’s baby and Monica’s baby!).

4.    Go to Idaho to visit my family.

5.    Go to Washington DC/ New York City

6.    In conjunction with the above trip…visit the DC and Manhattan Temples

7.    Go to three new states

8.    Go to the Oakland Temple

9.    Finish Paralegal Associates degree (MAY--YAY!!) (haha)

10. Spend time each week with my family

11. Make a headboard for my bed.

12. Get a power tool and use it on a project (didn’t get to do this last year)—Maybe for the headboard?

13. Sew a bed skirt.

14. Switch over to the family ward (Sunday will be my first one in the new ward!)

15. Keeping going to the temple at least 3 times a month

16. Get my sewing machine worked on.

17. Finish Cait’s wedding scrapbook

18. Finish my Chicago scrapbook

19. Apply for a design team

20. Finish little projects from bedroom make over.

21. Get bookcases and organize books.

22. Create an inventory of my books.

23. Paint my dresser

24. Take a fun art class this summer. Oil Painting? I’ve always wanted to learn how to use that medium. 

25. Visit two local museums.

That is all I can think of for the moment. Can't wait to find out what this year has in store!

Lesson Learned

Yesterday there was a great talk in Sacrament Meeting about trials. During it, I kept thinking, "Oh what a wonderful talk. So glad I don't have any trials. Funny how whenever a talk about trials comes up I don't have any trials. Smooth sailing." [Insert pleasant mental smile here.]

Yeah. That was my mistake. Thinking that things were smooth sailing. Somehow whenever a talk on trials comes up, I don't think I have any. And then...

BAM! Usually the very next day. Something comes up.

It's like clockwork.

You'd think that this would have registered before now. But, nope.

This morning it hit me like a ton of bricks what this week is going to be like. I almost freaked out at work.

School is starting again tonight. I'm taking 4 classes. That's officially full time (12 credits). I also work full time. Yikes! So I leave my house at 7:55-8:00am to go to work. I won't get home till after 10:30pm Monday-Wednesday. Another Yikes. Plus an online class that requires doing something EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oy. (The teacher's philosophy: "If I can work full-time, raise 6 kids, and go to law school full-time while in my 40's--you can fit this class in your schedule."--Yeah. Ok. Chances are she also didn't have Church callings.) Yikes, Yikes, Yikes.

Oh, and NONE of my textbooks have shown up yet. I ordered them almost two weeks ago. Some of them haven't even shipped yet--including the one for the homework assignment today. Hopefully I'll be able to borrow someone's. Talk about stressful. That's what I get for trying to save money. (Though I did save more than 60%, so maybe it's worth it?)

Ok. There's nothing I can do about that one. So I shouldn't let it stress me out. (This is me giving myself a pep talk. Just so you know.)

I also am doing 12 signs for the wedding this weekend. Good news: I was able to get most of them done this past weekend. I only have 2-3 of the large ones left to do (I don't like one so I might re-do it, if I have time). Problem: I literally don't have anymore time this week. Thursday is set up for the wedding. Friday is the wedding. Good thing I took Thursday and Friday off work. Somehow I have to make time between set-up and helping with flowers to whip them out. Maybe I should learn to write faster.

And somehow I will fit in my weekly temple trip. I need to fit it in.

Also, my boss is retiring Wednesday. I'm really sad about that. He is a good boss--he's very patient with me.

I am SO looking forward to Saturday. I don't have anything scheduled! And Monday is a holiday. Yay!!!! So technically I do have a 5 day weekend. And the wedding is all fun stuff, busy and a little stressful--but definitely fun.

So lesson learned. A talk/lesson/testimony in church about trials is usually a warning that something is going to come up very soon in my life.

Duly noted.

An Update

So I thought I would have my bedroom all done by now.

I don't know why. I should have known better. Life, as it does, got in the way.

And school starts next week.

So basically what I'm saying is that I hope I have time again at Christmas.

Ok. It better not take that long. It's driving me crazy.

I still need new bed linens and a couple more bookcases (one can never have too many!). That all requires money. And time. Both of which I do not have.

Oh, did I mention that I'm doing a ton of signs for a wedding next weekend? (ACK! one of my babies is getting married! He's the first. I feel old.) (And by "babies" I mean the kids I babysat for like 10 years--There are four and now three of them are adults and the two older boys are engaged with one getting married next weekend. Crazy!)

I'm really excited for the signs. The mental images I have look awesome. Hopefully my skills can measure up (doesn't usually happen. :/ ).

The reception will be beautiful. I heard all the details last night and I'm really excited for it.

Half of the signs are going to be love quotes from disney movies (there's a subtle disney theme--it's where they got engaged). Hopefully the posters will turn out. I'm kind of nervous. I don't want to ruin anything.

Good news: I've seen the bride-to-be in her wedding dress and she looks sooo beautiful. :)

It's going to be a good day. :)

So all of this is why I haven't been posting a lot. So don't worry. I'm still here and I've been steadily working on my room. I'm really liking it so far. :)

Bedroom Makeover: A Clean Slate

Alright friends, I have a new bedroom! It's coming along slowly. (Why do I have to work full time again?!     oh yeah, to pay for my fun stuff...oh, and bills. boo.)

So here is a little tour of the room so we're all excited for the final reveal...in about 6 months. Just kidding. I don't know when it will be. I'm slow. And somehow projects always take much longer than I anticipate.

Anyway. Onward and upward. Here are pictures! And in italics are the ideas I have.

View as you walk in the double doors:


Immediately to the left is a long skinny window, and a walk-in closet with huge mirrors for doors. (That freaks me out! I can see things move (me) out of the corner of my eye! hahaha!) New curtain, Nightstand, Lamp, And maybe, eventually, a large potted plant. Ficus tree, maybe?

A not-very-good panoramic view of the room. There is a large sliding glass door that leads to the backyard. The opening on the right leads to the bathroom/vanity. Bed with my trunk at the foot, Bed will have new linens and duvet, bookcase with crafty stuff in pretty white boxes, table/desk, new curtains for the back door,  dresser and TV right of the back door, small bookcase with DVDs.

The closet. Clothes. Duh. :)

There are some nice built-in shelves in the closet. I don't know. Crafty stuff I don't have room for on my bookcases?

The vanity area and door leads to the bathroom. Three more bookcases...for books. :)

The bathroom (because that's always fun to see on a blog!).  Uh, bathroom stuff, and a new curtain.

So there you have it! So excited to get everything done!! I've gotten some things done: like a new lamp, short bookcase, nightstand, my truck, some of the curtains. Its coming together! Yay!!

Bedroom Makeover: A New Bedroom

A couple of my roommates are moving out in a couple of weeks. While I'm sad that they are leaving...I'm kind of excited too...I'm switching bedrooms into the Master Bedroom. And that means I get a bigger room and my own bathroom. Yay!

Now, there is a one slightly "bad" part (besides higher rent). I *have* to redecorate! (yay!)

Also, as a slightly beside-the-point, point. Caitlin fixed my sewing machine (another yay!) and so now I want to SEW SEW SEW. Problem: I don't know how. But gosh darn it! I'm going to learn! And I will figure it out---without breaking anything (It's been a problem in the past....hush Mom!).

SOOOO...now I have to decide what I want my room to look like. Historically, I'm pretty, um, eclectic? with my decorating. I kind of just get what I like and put it in my room--creating a cluttered mish-mash of my life. I've decided that I'm mature enough (ha!) to (try to) have a simplified and decorated room.

I need to come up with ONE color scheme and stick to it. And make my furniture and decorating stuff fit those colors (hellooooo spray paint! I might be addicted....to painting--not getting high--I promise!).

The hard part? PICKING THE COLORS!

I've love coastal blues and greens, with creams and natural brown burlap as my neutrals. (with pops of coral and touches of silver?!). Its peaceful and relaxing. Just what I want my room to be like. A friend did her wedding reception that way a few years ago and I LOVED it!

BUT WHICH BLUE?! (I'm such a girl...)

So I went to some hardware stores and started collecting paint chips to narrow the colors down.

That didn't really help. I love all the colors.

I still haven't decided.

*

Well, moving on to my actual plan for my room. I have a lot of furniture and book cases and crafty tables that I want to fit in the room. So I wanted to make sure most of it will fit. I measured and created 1/4 scale drawings of the room and stuff so I could figure out how it will best be arranged.

I wanted to create a little craft nook in one corner. I'm excited because I am going to have a bit more room to put crafty goodness. :) YAY!

Then to help me organize my ideas, I created a board on Pinterest with stuff I love and want to possibly incorporate.

I also need a new bedspread so this is the perfect time to practice my soon-to-be-newly found sewing skills. I think I REALLY want a ruffled bedspread. In blue. But again...WHICH BLUE?!

via

I also found this fantastic cream and blue damask fabric that I'm going to use to make a bench seat to sit on my trunk (that I'm going to repaint?) to sit at the foot of my bed. I sit on the edge of my bed a lot and I don't want to do that anymore, so hello bench seat using stuff I already have and love!

via

Also maybe burlap curtains? I'm not sure about that yet, but there is a long skinny window that I kind of want do to that for, as well as in the bathroom. Maybe as a roman shade?

There is also a sliding glass door, but that is going to get thick grey curtains and lacy sheers to cover it. It's south facing and so I need something to help keep the heat out.

I wanted to cover the backs of my four bookcases with fabric, but they are tall (76") and that is a lot of pricey fabric, so I'm just going to paint them this great peacock blue spray paint. That will be fun. Three will be for books and the other is for my crafty goodness. Yay! One place to put it all!

There is a fifth short bookcase (I love them and, apparently, have an obsession with them) that I'm going to spray paint my favorite cream color (Heirloom White by Rustoleum) and put my DVDs in. I have a plan for a fun vignette on top of it that I'm really excited about. (Glass, Succulents and burlap!)

I also have a big black dresser that I'm trying to decide what I want to do with. Leave it black? Paint it? Stencil it? The cream bookcase is going next to it and the dresser is where my TV and DVD player live--which are both black. Hmmm.

Now hopefully the room will come together they way I want it to. Crossing my fingers!

A New, Scary, Exciting Dream

The last couple of years (ok, a lot longer) I have just been kind of floating around. Working, paying bills, hanging out with my friends and family, working, and then starting school again.

Life has been fun, good, and kind of boring.

Boring in the way that I'm not challenging myself. I'm not growing and pushing myself as much as I used to. Once I got my bachelor's degree I felt like I hit a plateau. For awhile I stopped. Then I slowly started growing again, but the last couple of years I've hit that plateau again.

I've struggled to find out what I'm "meant to do." To find a new dream to pursue.

I thought it would be going back to school to get my paralegal certificate.

Now that I have my first semester under my belt, I don't think that was it. It's good, and I'm certainly going to finish it, because I do need to still pay my bills. But it's not my dream and I'm not passionate about it.

Back in March I went to a conference and the message I walked away with was to find your dream and pursue it.

But ever since then I've been frustrated because I don't know what my dream is. What is my passion? What is my dream job? What makes me happy?

I'm 29 and I still don't know. I'm sure that is probably normal that I don't know. I imagine it takes some people their whole lives to figure it out.

The last few months I've tried, struggled, and gotten a little frustrated trying to figure it out.

I've discovered the following in this little journey:

     1. Being a paralegal is very interesting and a good job. I enjoy it, but I don't LOVE it.
     2. I want to LOVE my job. I want to be excited to go to work every day.
     3. I LOVED making the invitations for Fallon's baby shower.
     4. I remembered how much fun I had making invitations for other parties I've done.
     5. While I'm at work, I find myself wishing I was home to do something crafty...to make
         something. I feel the need to do it.
     6. I feel fulfilled when I am creating something.
     7. I've found myself wishing I could do this all day. Being creative and making stuff
         is what I think about when I'm not thinking.

On more than one occasion, I've wished there was business locally that was crafty and would let me work for them.

I thought I found it at my local scrapbook store, but then they closed last year. (Boo!)

Then I heard this little voice: what if I started my own?

I laughed at the absurdity of the thought and quickly dismissed it. Yeah right. I'm not that type of person. I'm not aggressive enough. Not ambitious enough. Certainly not crazy enough.

I kept thinking why make my life that much more busy? I'm already working full-time. I go to school almost full-time (I will in the Fall). And I having a fantastic calling at church that keeps me quite busy (but not too busy!). Why would I want to throw something else in the mix?

Ok. I am crazy enough.

The thought has come across my mind often in the past few months. Friends have encouraged me many, many times. I always laugh it off and thank them for the compliment of having the opinion that someone would like to buy something I make. I always joke that no one can afford me. :)

I've worried that IF I did have a shop (or whatever) that I would stop loving my hobby. I've worried that I literally have NO IDEA how to run a business. I hate money. I hate trying to put a price on what I make.

(Seriously. I do. It's so hard. I just want to giveaway everything I make. I don't want to charge people--part of it is that I don't think that what I make is worth it, and part of it is guilt for taking people's hard earned cash. So I would need to get over this.)

Why would I want to add more stress to my life. Why?

Why not? Why wouldn't I want to get paid to do something I love?

The idea of having my own business has crawled into my brain and taken up residence. It won't leave. I keep finding myself thinking. If I did have my own shop...then I would do this. Or I would sell that. Or what would my brand be? Logo? Business name? So many questions I keep answering or wanting, needing to answer.

And then I remind myself that it's crazy and just a silly idea. It's impossible. I shouldn't waste my time on something so frivolous. I mean, why waste time and energy on something that probably wouldn't go anywhere.

Why not?

I doubt myself and my abilities and then a little voice says, "Who's to say that it wouldn't go anywhere, or be wonderful, or be exactly what I am supposed to do? And even if it's not those things--you'll learn something."

Anytime I try to talk myself out of it, a little voice in my head finds a way around the doubt. (I don't know anything about business accounting. Oh wait, I know several business accountants...including my best friend.)

Maybe I'm supposed to do this? But I'm not brave enough. I act like I am, but I'm not.

But maybe I could be. What's that quote from We Bought a Zoo?

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

I think this just might be my 20 seconds of insane courage....




P.S. Right after I finished writing the above, I turned on the radio. This was the song that came on:

Brave by Sara Bareilles

Love the song and love the video. And I'm feeling a bit braver. :)

I Guess I Asked for This

Since I started taking classes in January, my life has been a little full. Okay. A lot full. Thus the very limited posting on here. I do have some fun projects that I did for a baby shower a few weeks ago, but I haven't had time to edit the posts or pictures.

Here is a sample of my typical week for the past four months:

Monday: I get up at 7:00am (though my alarm starts going off much earlier), get ready, and get to work by 8:15am. I get off at 5:00pm. Then go straight to school (30 minute drive). I read my textbooks and prepare for class till 7:00pm then class starts. I usually get done around 9:45pm, though sometimes a little earlier or later. I get home about 30 minutes later and try to detox for a little bit (ya know, watch an episode of Parks & Rec or Arrested Development--so funny!). Then I do my bedtime routine and am *hopefully* asleep by 10:45-11:00pm. Man, I'm getting tired just thinking about it.  At some point I have to find time (almost always my lunch break) to take a weekly quiz that is only available on Mondays on the website. Blech.

Tuesday: Repeat Monday. Ugh. Every day my lunch break is usually filled with homework or errands. And at some point, I eat something. After work, another class. It's funny how before I started back to school, I didn't really care about going to FHE. I usually went, but it was more out of obligation than anything. Now that I can't go, I want to and I keep hearing how fun it is. Naturally.

Wednesday: Work like usual. After work, I sometimes end up at Caitlin's to hang out and spend time with Rachel (oh, and Cait & Nick). If I don't go to Caitlin's I go home or run a couple of errands. Sometimes I do homework--one of my classes requires multi-day logging in online and working on stuff. Lame. I really don't like that. I don't have time for that. Sometimes I work on crafty fun stuff or read a book. Yay!

Thursday: I love Thursdays. Thursday is a good day. Normal work schedule, but after work I head straight home and change into a skirt, grab my temple bag and head to the Temple. Double Yay!! I usually go to the 6:30pm session so I don't get home too late. I'm usually home by 9:30pm. I almost always have to work on homework, but I find that after going to the temple I can handle it. :)

Friday: Lately I've been going over to Cait's after work and hanging out and eating Tri-tip. (Nick has been trying to master a new rub recipe---so I gladly volunteer my taste buds. It's delicious. Now I am drooling. Okay, moving on...) I try to be social and so something fun. I usually end up at Cait's or doing homework. Wow. I need to get out more.

Saturday: I usually end up waking up early-ish. My body has been trained to do so unfortunately. Mornings are spent running errands like grocery shopping and shopping for fun. Hello thrift stores! I rarely find anything, but it's always fun too look! Later I usually end up cleaning, yard work, or working on projects. Homework. I always end up doing homework for a few hours too. At some point I have to work on my Sunday School lesson--I teach the new family history class at church now! Awesome! I also try to read a book too.

Sunday: Sleep in or lay in bed doing nothing! I get up, get ready for church, cook a "fancy" brunch, and work on my lesson. Sometimes if I have time, I'll work on whatever project I have going on or read my current book. Church starts at 1:30p so I usually leave around 1:00p so I can get there a few minutes early and socialize since I don't have a chance during the week. I'm usually home around 5:00pm and then I cook dinner and find something fun to do. I try to take it easy since Sunday is really a day of rest for me. No homework, no work. And I love it. I'm glad that Sundays are no longer super busy now that I've been released from the Relief Society Presidency.

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And that is a typical week this semester. No wonder I've been feeling a bit tired lately. And to think that I'm considering adding another night of classes. Yeah...about that.....

Why I am Back in School

So I haven't been posting a lot this year because I am back in school. It's keeping me really busy. (And I thought this would be FUN?!....okay...it kinda is.)

Today I wanted to share a paper that I wrote for one of my classes explaining why I am in school. The assignment was to introduce ourselves to our professor (it's still weird not saying "Brother So 'n' So"...). He said that the evening classes always have such an interesting and diverse group and he wanted to know about us and why we were there, since most students are older and usually already working.

Below is the paper I wrote.

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As far back as the age of three, I can remember knowing, without a doubt, what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a scientist. I wanted my own microscope and wear a lab coat. Yes, I was a nerdy three year old.

As I grew up on the outskirts of Loomis, I loved to study the plants and animals on the farm where I was raised. I took every class I could in school that was science based. In junior high I had a teacher that introduced me to cell biology and genetics and I was hooked. There was never anything else that even remotely interested me.

In college, I pursued a biology degree emphasizing in micro and cellular biology, with a minor in Psychology. I wanted to go into Alzheimer’s’ Disease research. I loved the classes and the science. I loved my university: Brigham Young University-Idaho. The winters were bitter cold and wonderful—the summers were simply magical. Going to school on the cuff of the Yellowstone Caldera was the perfect place to study the many wonders of nature.

I graduated in August, 2006 with my bachelor’s degree. The plans that I had made to move to Salt Lake City, work at a university there, and take the world by storm did not work out. Not knowing where else to go, I moved back to my childhood home and struggled to find a job—any job.

I applied for and had several interviews with a pharmaceutical company on the East Coast. It was an excellent job with many research opportunities and new experiences. I was excited for it. I had never even been to the East Coast and wanted to move there. I was told that I had nailed the interviews and had an excellent chance being included in the training program. Several weeks later I called to follow up and learned that they were not interested in hiring someone from California. It was devastating.

Eventually I found two part-time retail jobs that I despised. I had a college degree and year after graduation I still hadn’t found a real, “grown-up” job. Then a phone call came week later. A friend of my mom’s and our neighbor growing up called me and offered me a position as a legal assistant at his law firm. I literally did not know anything about law. I did not think I would be interested and I didn’t want to give up my dream of being a cell biologist. After considering his offer, I thanked him for the opportunity and declined.

A couple of weeks later the family friend called back and offered me a position as the receptionist. I asked for time to consider it. He gave me 24 hours. I struggled with the decision—I knew that if I took the job I would be giving up my dream of being a biologist. But, I felt trapped in my current jobs and had just quit one the night before. I set aside my dream and accepted the receptionist job.

Ten days after I started, my new boss transferred me to the position I am in now (fortunately different than the one originally offered), the Legal Assistant for the Workers’ Compensation department. To say it was a difficult transition would be a gross understatement. There was not really anyone to train me or tell me how to do my job. At the end of each day for at least the first month I almost quit. The assistant before me had left everything in a terrible mess and there was 3 months of filing that had not been filed for over 350 open cases. It was overwhelming.

Eventually things were straightened out and I slowly figured out what different words meant. I learned how the complicated workers’ compensation system works. I learned how to manage the many difficult clients. I learned how to get what my clients needed and wanted from adjusters. I learned how to be a workers’ compensation assistant. I learned, surprisingly, that I enjoy learning how the law works and applies. And I learned that I would like to work in a different field of law.

My firm does other types of law too. In my particular office we do Personal Injury, Workers’ Compensation, Social Security, and bit of Medical Malpractice. I’m intrigued by the cases the other assistants are working on. I find it fascinating and engaging. Every day brings new challenges.

And so, here I am, opening up my options so I can look for other opportunities to work as a paralegal. After five and half years, I feel like I’ve hit a plateau. I’ve progressed as far as I can in my position and in my company. I feel like I need to be trained how to properly be a paralegal and learn about other fields of law. To find one that I enjoy.

I’m ready, and excited, for a new challenge.

Thoughts From A Phone Call

Last night was an interesting study in opposites and how a little phone call can change life (in a good way!).

Yesterday afternoon and after work on my drive to school, I was tired. I didn't want to go to class. The music on the radio seemed depressing and I just was feeling a little beat up and a bit broken. It seemed that all I could think about was the losses in my life. And it was annoying.

I got to school and realized that I was caught up on my school work and decided to read a fun book that I had in my bag. That helped my mood a bit.

Then my brother called. Two days ago he turned 27. I feel old. Anyway, we chatted for a minute as I asked how his birthday was and if he did anything fun. He was very chipper and chatty...which was a bit odd, but hey, I'll take it.

He said, "Hey, I have some news." Then he asked if I was sitting down. I was. He asked if I was in a public place. I was. He then made me promise that I wouldn't scream, or cry, or do anything to embarrass myself. This really stressed me out, but I promised. And then to drag it out longer, he said that a mutual friend was over and said hi. I told him that I had to go to class, so just tell me already!

He did. And it was great news. And I can't share it yet. But it is sooooo awesome. He told me the story behind the news and I might have shed a tear or two. And I'm not a weepy person.

Anyway. This post is not about his news, but I how I felt afterward. All I could think of was how there have been soooooooo many people that have blessed my family, when we were little, teenagers, and even now.

As a kid that grew up under difficult circumstances, I always felt like an outsider, judged and pitied from afar for my family's deficiencies. No one could understand. No one could relate. No one cared. I felt abandoned and unloved by someone that wasn't supposed to act that way. All I could see was how my family was deficient when compared to others.

I've realized over the years that this was not the case at all. Our friends at church may not have been in similar circumstances, but that doesn't mean that we were not cared for or ignored. Sure, maybe they couldn't relate, but that doesn't mean that they didn't help us. Watch out for us kids. Love us kids. Adopt us into their families. Include us as their own.

I will forever be grateful for these families. I will love them forever for the priceless gifts and memories they have given me and my family.

I think how I didn't have the Priesthood in my home, and I used to feel that I missed out on so much. Sure, there were things that I did miss out on. But the big things were never missing. I may not have had a father at home, but I had at least 10 men (that I can think of the top of my head), and their families, in my ward that constantly, and consistently, watched over my family for years. Even now, all four of us kids are successful, functioning adults (two even being married), and yet these families are still watching out for us and supporting us and loving us.

I felt this way when I went through the temple. I was reminded how much a ward can (and should) be a family. And my family ward really was an extended family for us. It was hard to see it as a kid, but I certainly see it now. I love that ward and what it represents so much! I have felt so much love from them too. Heavenly Father put people in my family's lives so we could feel his love for us. These families have been angels to us.

After talking to my brother last night, I was reminded AGAIN how much my family has been watched over and loved by our friends and most importantly Heavenly Father my whole life. All I could think of last night driving home was all the blessings I have received because I didn't have a dad in my home. And the blessings FAR out-weigh any bad things that happened (or didn't happen). I kept thinking that without this Gospel, none of the positive things that have happened in my family would have been possible.

Last night I felt so loved driving home from work in the dreary rain. It was wonderful. And I haven't stopped smiling.

Why I was Spoiled at BYU-Idaho

Last night was my third day on the Junior College Campus where I am just starting the program to get my Paralegal Certificate.

I've already noticed quite a few distinct differences between this school and my experiences at BYU-Idaho. Man, I miss Rexburg so much more now. :)

1) Everybody smokes here. So gross. I feel like I can't breathe. I have asthma and smoke is a trigger. I try not to breathe in the second-hand smoke, but that's impossible. And the smell is awful. I miss the clean fresh air of Rexburg.

2) Nobody makes eye contact or smiles at each other. This makes me a bit sad. I try to (which is hard for me) and nothing. People look at me blankly or ignore me. People are plugged into their phones or ipods or whatever.

3) There is no prayer to start class. Obviously this one isn't going to happen anywhere but a church school, but I apparently have a habit of folding my arms and bowing my head when class starts. :) After the professor started class, I felt a sudden twinge of disappointment and loss that there was no prayer to start us off. It also felt awkward to have the professor just jump into the lecture.

4) I'm not "Sister McGrath" in class. Last night I got called "Ms. McGrath." That was just weird. I never get called that. And then when I had a question for the teacher, I REALLY had to work hard not to say, "Brother ____." I must have had a really wierd look on my face as I resisted saying that.

5) I have to drive around the parking lot for 20 minutes to find one parking spot and it's way back in a far corner!! At BYU-I I didn't have a car; I walked everywhere. Fortunately, I had plenty of friends that could drive me, if need be. But for the most part, I walked to class every day.

6) People swear. Students and the teachers. So far it hasn't really been a big deal--certainly nothing worse than what I hear at work. But I was a bit surprised, since this is professional Judges and Lawyers teaching, and a somewhat professional environment.

7) BYU-Idaho's campus is special. The atmosphere is so completely different there. I always felt safe on campus. Now I hate that I have to park so far away from my class and I feel like I constantly have to look over my shoulder to make sure someone doesn't come up from behind me. At BYU-Idaho, I always had someone I could call to walk me home, if I felt like it. Not here. :(

8) My classes were during the day in Idaho. I didn't work and have to go to school. Now I'm working full time and taking 9 credits (almost full time schedule). I suppose its sort of a good thing I don't have much of a social life. My friends are all as busy as I am. :)

Though I do have to admit--there is one thing I've discovered I like. It's been cold when I get out of class at 10:00pm at night...but it is nothing compared to having to walk the entire length of campus in the 10 minutes between classes UPHILL in a blizzard with ice so sharp it actually broke skin and made me bleed (just a tiny bit--but there was still blood!) in the two square inches left exposed on my face. Yeah, that was fun. Not. So I'm cold here, but not living in the artic. :)

Man, I miss BYU-Idaho and it's little spiritual bubble. :)

Resolutions

I've been debating doing resolutions this year because 1) They never get all finished, 2) I feel awful when they don't, and 3) I don't like feeling bad about how awful I feel.

All over blogdom I've seen people's resolutions and, while they are wonderful for them, they don't work for me. Then I came across this idea...and it's brilliant!

So this year instead of doing resolutions, I'm going to do a Bucket List for 2013...Things I want to do this year. Because it's a list, and I like crossing stuff off of lists, I'll probably actually get at least some of the things done. Yay!

1. Read 50 books (That's not as many as it sounds...at least not for me.)
2. At least half of the books I read need to be new ones I have not yet read.
3. Read at least 2 non-fiction books (this is really hard for me!)
4. Travel somewhere new
5. Go to three new states (Currently I've been to 21!)
6. Go to the temple every month
7. Finish Cait's Wedding Scrapbook
8. Finish my Chicago Scrapbook
9. Go back to school for Paralegal Certificate
10. Spend time with my family each week
11. Teach Rachel to say my name
12. Create some kind of art wall hanging
13. Apply for another design team
14. Get two new tires
15. Replace the brakes on my car
16. Go to at least two new temples
17. Learn a new skill
18. Make my stocking
19. Make stocking for my new niece/nephew!
20. Fix my sewing machine
21. Get new bed linens
22. Sew a duvet cover
23. Take an online craft class
24. Take myself on a date once a month
25. Visit a local museum
26. Organize my books
27. Catalog my books
28. Write more
29. Work on my Grandpa's Autobiography
30. Upholster my bedroom chair
31. Build an ottoman
32. Buy a power tool and use it on a project
33. Take an art class
34. Teach a class
35. Take 5 family names to the Temple

Alright, that is all I can think of for now. I may add more later.

This list has made me kind of excited for this year now. Excellent. :)

A Jumble of Thoughts

Almost two weeks ago I got my Temple Recommend and ever since then, I feel like I'm being bombarded with a thousand different missiles of thoughts and emotions: happy, sad and every where in between.

I am so incredibly happy that I'm going. It's what I feel is the right thing for me right now. I know the Temple is a sacred place, even the House of the Lord. And nothing is stopping me from going (T-minus 8 days!). And it's Christmas time! I LOVE Christmas. My family (well half) will be here and we're skyping with the other half to open presents (yay technology!). I love the feeling of Christmas. :) And then my niece is turning 1 next Saturday. There is soooo much to be happy about in my life! So many things for which I am truly grateful.

So why do I keep feeling like someone is trying to pull me down?

I just find it interesting how many times I have had things, life, the internet, other people have challenged my beliefs in the past two weeks. Nothing directly or personally, but just in general. Things I read on Facebook or on blogs or news articles.  Things that make me mad. Things that frustrating and disappointing. Things that are hurtful and hateful. Things that make me sad and break my heart.

Perhaps the moral is stop reading-to isolate myself a bit more. But we all know that won't and shouldn't necessarily happen. I'm VERY selective in what I ingest from the media. I'm only Facebook friends with my actual real life friends and generally my friends and I share common values. I'm pretty picky with blogs I read--I love reading people's stories, sharing who they are, what they believe (and sometimes their fantastic craftiness). But if what I'm see being posted doesn't match up with my beliefs, I don't have a problem with dropping them my list.

And the news, well the news is something we just can't get a way from. So many sad and horrific things have happened all over the world in the past few weeks--right before Christmas. Of course I heard about what happened last week with the tragic school shooting in Connecticut. It's devastating and heart-wrenching--I can't even imagine how the families directly involved must feel.

I've seen on facebook so much hate for the kid that did it (I saw a post said he was the devil reincarnated--what an awful thing to say about someone that had a mental illness!), and for his mother. I don't know who is to blame for what he did. I can't say it was or wasn't his fault. Clearly there were a lot of issues there. All I know is that I certainly can't judge them for it. What is the saying? Hate the sin, not the sinner?

My heart hurts for a boy that felt this was his only option, and for the families that are now suffering at this Christmas time. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about what a heinous thing that was done to teachers and small children. I don't excuse what was done, but I don't blame anyone either; I just feel immensely sad. Maybe I can feel this way because I wasn't directly involved or affected. I don't know.

The other day I was reading comments on a blog post and someone stated that Satan wasn't real. I have no idea what that anonymous person thinks about life and God and whatnot, but that statement surprised me. He is real and he is behind all that is evil and hate in this world. How could he not be? I believe that people are generally good and wonderful, we have to be because we're children of God. There has to be some other force that is pulling us away from our Heavenly Father.

I think because I am working toward one of the most important things in my life (going to the Temple! yay!), Satan is trying to get me to be upset and resentful and bitter about life. Well I got news for him...it ain't happenin'.

My only comfort is that we have Jesus Christ and the Atonement. It is real. Jesus Christ is real. The Atonement is real. Love is the only way we can fight against Satan. I know from personal experience.

I love this quote from one of my favorite talks ever. It's by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a leader in my Church. Please go read the talk. It is beautiful.

"I do not know who in this vast audience today may need to hear the message of forgiveness inherent in this parable, but however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

 

"Whether you are not yet of our faith or were with us once and have not remained, there is nothing in either case that you have done that cannot be undone. There is no problem which you cannot overcome. There is no dream that in the unfolding of time and eternity cannot yet be realized. Even if you feel you are the lost and last laborer of the eleventh hour, the Lord of the vineyard still stands beckoning. “Come boldly [to] the throne of grace,” and fall at the feet of the Holy One of Israel. Come and feast “without money and without price” at the table of the Lord."

It's amazing, really, to think of the miracle we call the Atonement. That we can forgive others and be forgiven of all that we have done wrong. It is a special gift.

The last two weeks we've had wonderful lessons on Forgiveness and Living the Gospel in Perilous Times. Both were out of this year's manual. The timing was incredible and perfect. It's like the Lord knew we would need those two talks right now. Oh wait, He did. :)

I take great comfort in knowing there is a Plan. A Master Plan. A Plan of Happiness. And I'll be eternally grateful that I know about it.

Anyway, I guess my point is that despite feeling all these emotions, I know I am doing good things, being the best I can, and loving every one I can.

I suppose this post probably doesn't make sense--it is a bit rambily. But this has how my mind has been the last couple of weeks, so I hope you'll forgive me. :)